Since most of you know I’m on the wrong side of 50 you won’t be shocked to hear that I receive (and sometimes read)  AARP Bulletin. Maybe some of you read the article too “Why Civility Matters” by Sara Hacala. I was drawn to it because I had just been lamenting to my younger son and his mates on a night out in NYC. We were treating the boys to dinner and I was looking forward to catching up, hearing their take on life in The Big Apple etc.

Instead, while they were appreciative of the dinner they couldn’t bare to be more than a glance away from their smart phones. At one point all phones were actually on the table and I realized they were physically here but mentally far away. It was at that point I explained The Golden Rule, I had the gold, therefore I made the rules. “Phones off, it’s just for an hour or two, the world won’t end I promise.”

Needless to say they politely obeyed, they relaxed (not having the capability to address every text in real time) and we had a great evening, dynamic conversation and more than a few good laughs.

Now, I raised a good kid who also has lovely friends. Hacala says in her article that rudeness is pervasive and rising, the “new  normal”. I don’t believe that any of the boys thought that they were being rude. This is how life works in a twenty something world.

It was just the norm for them.

How many of us heard “what’s the world coming to” when we were growing up.  I doubt any of us thought we were rude. Just …’Times they were a changing’.

In the end civility means what it has always meant, treating others with compassion, respect, kindness and generosity. This doesn’t just float out of the window when the kids leave home. It is an integral part of who they are. Some child development experts say we are no longer teaching our kids manners. That is not evident in my house where the grandkids know Please and Thank you can literally get them the world!

Hacala also sites a study that reported social skills are a more accurate predictor of success than test scores.  If that’s the case I have no doubt that all three young men who went to dinner with us on Saturday night will be successful. They were all engaging, gracious and dynamic and  now I will give them their smart phones back…just kidding!

Kim